By Gina Best
The Merrian-Webster definition is close or intimate relationship – a sense of belonging.
This is a driving force for a lot of us, to be a part of something. To find the group or tribe that will give us a sense of belonging. This is hard wired for a lot of us. Yet we don’t stop and think about belonging to ourselves.
There is Brene Brown quote “True belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being part of something and standing alone in the wilderness. True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are: it requires you to be who you are.”
The part that really stands out for me is the part about be who you are. So many of us let the rules in our heads run our life, we have rules about what we do, how we do it and of course the WHAT WILL PEOPLE THINK”.
The first step in true belonging is to be who you are. Now I don’t think this is an excuse to stop working on yourself and just say – Screw it I am who I am. This is yet another reason to stop trying to live by the rules in your head. I know everyone has them, they are how we operate, but the big questions is who’s rules are they. If they are yours, if you have put them in place for you, to support what you want – great yet I know there are some that are no ours, some we have picked up along the way and they now are part of us yet they are not us.
So let’s look at the rules:
Think about all of those rules that live in your head and that guide your decision-making. For instance, for years, I had this rule in my mind: You don’t talk about your feelings in public.
Make a list – get a piece of paper and get them out of your head. This may take a few tries and just keep adding to the list.
Where did they come from?
Getting to the core of your rules might take a little (or even a lot of) time. But uncovering the root of each rule is essential to eradicating it. My dad always used to say “We don’t talk about family business outside of these four walls” and that became my rule. Because he said so.
So ask yourself for each rule – where did this come from. What is the root?
The last step…
Are these rules working for you?
Rules aren’t all bad. Some can be great. That said, many are detrimental to progress. If a rule is not working for you, it’s time to replace it with a new rule.
For instance, I replaced “You don’t talk about your feelings in public.” with something much more healthy that works for me: Be open and vulnerable whenever you can.
My new rules:
You get to call the shots—not your history. So write new rules that work for you. It can be a little daunting at first but OMG it is so worth it. Believe me, living by your own rules is way better than living by someone else’s.
Remember “True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are: it requires you to be who you are.” Letting go of the rules that are not serving you and making new ones is a huge part of being who you are!!
I have an amazing worksheet for this and if you would like it reach out to me at gina@gina.best
